Liam Patrick

I forgot to add that my brother Chris and sister in law Erin had their second child, Liam Patrick, on November 19th at about 4:30ish (I think!). He was 7 lbs 1 ounce and 19 3/4 inches. He is adorable. Big sister Emma is apparently doing ok with him. I am so glad he made it here safe and sound as well as Erin starting having contractions at 33 weeks. She made it to about 38....you go Erin! My parents went from having 3 grandchildren to 6 in the matter of 2 weeks.....holidays are going to be so fun in a few years :).

Possible homecoming

Things have been going great. Both girls had feeding tubes removed and are eating like champs. Charlize Sophia was 5.12 last we heard and Liliana Helen was 5.9....so gaining weight! I have attempted breast feeding with both of them and don't think they are getting very much milk. After each attempt they eat a whole feeding from a bottle so all I can do is keep trying I guess. It's a bummer because Barrett took right to it and I never really had any problems. Pumping has been VERY tiring so I really hope that if I continue to try they will take to it so I can decrease pumping. If they don't, I will pump for as long as I can...but just don't know how much I have it in me to keep it up....we'll see. I would have to say that it is one of the worst parts about them being preemies actually. With Barrett I only had to pump occassionally....pumping every 2-3 hours just isn't the same. Oh well....I can't beat myself up....I did spend 10 weeks in the hospital to fight for them....I think they will understand :).
Both girls are doing great as far as the bradys go too. And because of that we may be able to bring them home on Thanksgiving!!!!! We won't be able to bring them to dinner or anything....but I couldn't ask for a better Thanksgiving if they are with me at home! They need to be brady free for 5 days.....so far so good. Louis and I held the babies today without being hooked up to the heart rate monitor. It's a little scary at first, but I think we have both come to realize when they are forgetting to breath and we have learned what to do. It's going to be nerve wracking and I'm sure I will have lots of sleepless nights because of it, but it will be SO wonderful to bring them home....and what better day than Thanksgiving! I have SO much to be thankful for this year. We will be rooming in with the girls tomorrow night at the hospital. It's nice they do that so we get to have a practice run of what it's going to be like, but have the nursing staff there if something is happening or we have any questions. We also had to watch a few videos today on infant CPR, RSV and Shaken Baby Syndrome. Both Louis and I know CPR so it was a great refresher!
So all in all, we couldn't have asked for a better outcome in this whole experience. I know lots of you can't wait to meet them....and you will in time. We need to ease them into things so we don't over stimulate them (so different than full term babies!....even rubbing them and rocking them can be too much!).....and unfortunately with the flu and RSV we need to be very cautious. I don't want to have to go back to Presbytarian St. Luke's hospital for anything other than the occasional visit to my favorite nurses on 3A :).
I will let you all know if things go as planned...and if they don't, at least we know it's not far off. But please say some more prayers that Thanksgiving day will be the day our little angels get to come home and we can finally be our family of 5! Boy is Barrett done for :). Thanks!

Finally some pics

I finally got around to downloading the pics off my camera. There are a few of my pregnant belly and then obviously the girls....and had to throw one in there of our number 1 son too :). The girls doing well. Lili is still having bradys, but her eating from a bottle has increased so less tube feeding. Charli's eating from a bottle has decreased a bit and she unfortunately had a brady last night. We originally thought she might be home first....but now we think she doesn't want to leave her sister behind so she is going to act up to stay with her :). But apparently all their behaviors are normal and nothing that is concerning the docs. So here's the pics....enjoy!

The NICU rollercoaster has opened for business

So the ride has begun! As I said in the last post, Lili has been having bradys. Well, after the other day when she had that long one when I was holding her, they decided that evening to suction her nose after she had another one. They apparently got quite a lot of boogies out and she didn't have any bradys for about a 12 hour stretch. When she did have one it wasn't very long and she recovered on her own. I was SO happy and felt much more relieved.....thought maybe she was having them because of congestion. When I went to see them yesterday both girls were really alert and I got to breastfeed and follow up with a bottle feed with each of them. It was a great visit! When I called this morning she had only had 1 last night and it was another quick one that she recovered from on her own....so again, very relieved!
Louis and I went to see them today. While I was holding Lili she decided to have 4 bradys in an hour!!! She recovered on her own for 3 of them, but needed a little light stimulation for the other one. I sat there crying for the majority of our visit. It's SO scary to be holding your little baby and her heart rate drops to an alarming rate. I feel SO panicked when it happens and it scares me to hold her because I am afraid that if she were to have a terrible one I wouldn't know what to do. I know the nursing staff is there to do what they need to do....but I am her mommy and I should be able to protect her and help her when she needs it. And then I have terrible feelings of guilt because I now have this fear of holding her and I know she needs to be held and loved by me. I don't want to fear going to see my babies because of this and I know it's something I need to get over. I think my hormones are all over the board too which I know isn't helping the situation.
Charli also had one while Louis was holding her. Hers only dropped for literally a second so I don't know if that is truly counted as one. The nurses try to comfort me and have said that even term babies have bradys but because they aren't monitored it is never known....but again, that still doesn't comfort me.
I just called to check on them and the nurse tonight seems great. Lili did have another brady but it was another short one that she recovered on her own. I told the nurse about this afternoon and my new fear of holding my own child and she made a few suggestions. She said to maybe limit the time I am holding her because she could be getting over stimulated and that is her body's way of telling me she needs to go back and lay down. She also said that a lot of the time it is positional and to be sure she has a clear airway while I am holding her. She assured me that this is very normal, not a concern, and something she should grow out of in the next 2-3 weeks. She said she knows it's hard for parents to handle and told me to call in the middle of the night if I am up and worried. I really like this nurse...and maybe that was part of my issue today, I didn't feel 100% comfortable with the nurse. She didn't seem as caring as the other nurses I have met and wasn't very informative.....so maybe I can request not to have her again. I will look into that.
So anyhow, I knew this next chapter of our journey with our girls wasn't going to be easy but I guess because they moved to the grad NICU so quickly and everyone was so impressed with how well they were doing, I got excited and expected them to be home sooner than I think they will...or at least Liliana will. Hopefully we will be on the uphill slope of this ride again and it will level out and we can get off.....but I have a feeling we might have a few dips before that happens. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your continued prayers.

Babies born November 6, 2009

So I have been a little busy, as you all can imagine, and haven't had time to post. Charlize Sophia and Liliana Helen were born on November 6th at 1:26 pm and 1:28 pm. Charli weighed 5 lbs 4 ozs and was 18 1/4 inches and Lili weighed 5 lbs and was 19 inches. They were born at 33 weeks 6 days and are doing well.
The day started out with an amnio at 8:30 am....didn't hurt as bad as I had imagined. We got the results at about 10. Mature lungs are a 55, the gray area is the 30's and 40's (I think). The test came back at 34. Needless to say, not the number we had hoped for. The doctor said that it was our decision and we had already said that we were going to go through with the csection if they were in the gray area, so he was ok to deliver. I was very upset and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be making the wrong decision. I knew I couldn't take another week in the hospital with the stress of wondering if the babies were ok, but I didn't know if taking them out was right. He assured us that our decision was going to be the right one no matter what but that he had to tell us the good, bad and ugly and that they could possibly be on a ventilator but the chances were small....and that basically the risks of keeping them and taking them out were pretty equal. So after much anguish, we decided to go through with the csection because we would rather have them in the NICU where they can be helped if necessary.
So the csection was at 1 and they were both here by 1:30. What a different experience than Barrett's birth!! Louis and I walked back to the OR, were able to get a cute pic of us before hand and I remembered everything. Right after birth we were told they were doing well and didn't need any oxygen!! What FANTASTIC news!!! I DID make the right decision after all.
After delivering the babies and getting my tubes tied...oh yeah, that's right, no more stressful pregnancies for me! 10 weeks in the hospital was enough :). Louis spent time with me in recovery, there was a surgery going on in the NICU so he couldn't get in until that was done. Once he could get in, he went to check the babies and all was going well. I finally got down to see them at 8pm that evening. They are BEAUTIFUL and look SO much like Barrett did as a baby it's crazy!! They spent 4 days in the NICU before being moved to the graduate NICU. They were under photo therapy lights for jaundice (which is very common in preemies), had IV's for fluids and feeding tubes. They started eating from a bottle on day 2, but get tube fed every other feed to be sure they get all of the necessary nourishment and they get tired out easily...eating is a chore! They are in isolettes to control their body temps but are very close to getting out of those. IV's were taken out on Tuesday. Other than learning how to eat everything is going great....for Charli that is. The nurse today said Charli is doing better than most babies at her gestational age. Lili on the other hand has been having bradys. Bradys are basically when the babies heart rate drops below 80. An alarm goes off alerting the nurse. The reason they happen is that she just forgets to breath. Apparently these are very common with premature babies...but still is very worrisome to me. She had one when we were there today while I was holding her. It was the longest one she has had and totally freaked me out. I sat there balling while the nurse was coaching me on what to do when they happen. She has about 5 or so a day and is something she should grow out of in the next week or 2. They did test for infection and that came back clear. If they continue the doc is considering putting her on caffeine to help keep her stimulated.
With my hormones crashing and Lili's bradys, today has been an emotional day. Being home without my little angels is tough. I am trying to stay positive and know that I am blessed they are doing so well.....but I think I also need to let my guard down for a minute and have a good cry about it. It's been a long road and I can't wait until they are home with us. I think Charli will come home first and hopefully Lili will be right behind. She has to be brady free for 5 days before coming home...so keep her in your prayers. I will post pics once I have a minute to go through the office ( which looks like a bomb went off in) and look for the cord to download them on to the computer. Hopefully I will find that time tomorrow.
So for now, that is my news. I will keep you posted on their progress! Thanks as always.

End in sight

I know I haven't blogged in awhile...I haven't had the computer.....but there actually hasn't been much action to tell you all about, so I guess that's a good thing. However, there is an end in sight!!!!! I have an amniocentisis this Friday, November 6th ,at 8:30 am to see if their lungs are mature enough to deliver. After scheduling that appointment, I decided that I just wanted to get the csection scheduled for 34 weeks and not push it any further. After talking to my doc, he suggested we still do the amnio. If their lungs are completely immature, then I am going to push it a few more days...but I don't think I have it in me to go a whole complete additional week. The stress of worrying about them for that extra week just really isn't something I want to go through. The bigger they get the less room they have and the chance of cord compression is greater....so they are safer out than in. If the lungs are in the questionable area or above we are delivering that afternoon at 1 pm!!! I have had my booster of steroids to help with their lung development, so I am really praying we are good to go. We could be meeting Charli and Lili in less than 4 days....crazy!!
Barrett is getting excited too. He is such a little man it is crazy! He has just grown up so much in the last 2 months....I feel like I have missed out on alot, but I know he won't remember. He had a rough week last week because it snowed for 2 days straight which meant daddy was out doing snow removal for 3 days. My parents had him 2 of those nights and Sophie had him the other night....so not having mom or dad was rough on him. It will be so nice to be home next week and get him back into his regular routine.....I apparently have my work cut out for me though, daddy is a lot more lacks than mommy :).
Other than that, not too much going on. Oh wait! Actually....I lost my job last week. That was just a little added stress to my already stressful life, but I was expecting it. I knew my FMLA hours were nearing the end and my boss and I had talked on my last day of work about extending my leave beyond those hours. He told me he wasn't sure he was going to be able to do that because our work flow had slowed a lot. I was most concerned about insurance and had attempted numerous times before coming to the hospital to find out my options and just tried to get some sort of game plan together but the HR department SUCKS and never would give me a straight answer. They kept telling me all throughout that they were going to treat my pregnancy as a normal pregnancy, even though it obviously wasn't. So anyhow, my boss and I kind of guesstimated that my hours were up the 1st or 2nd week of November, which I figured out in my mind that meant my insurance would run through the end of November....and I knew I would deliver by then and hoped the girls would be home by then too...and then we could figure out insurance. Well, we were wrong. I got the letter from HR on Monday of last week saying my FMLA hours were up on Wednesday....yup, a 2 day notice! And I was put in the exact situation that I tried to avoid numerous times before with HR...being in the hospital at the end of my pregnancy trying to scramble to figure out insurance issues. I knew all along COBRA would be an option....but I also knew and know that COBRA is extremely expensive and was hoping I would have some more warning to try and find replacement insurance. Well...long story short, I applied for an extension to my leave which was denied (as I knew it was probably going to be), BUT my boss was kind enough to talk to HR and get our COBRA insurance premium paid through 1/1 so I don't have to worry about that while I am still in the hospital. I was SO relieved by that! I haven't gotten the paperwork yet so essentially right now we aren't covered since insurance ended on 10/31....so the thought of my csection and the NICU stay without being covered are a bit scary...but COBRA is retro active to 10/31 so I just have to trust that once I get the paperwork and send it in all will be ok.
So that really is all the news I think. I will keep everyone posted as to whether or not we deliver on Friday. Please keep praying as it has worked this long :).